I think it is safe to now make a confession. I don’t think Macho Ma’m or Shekhar Sir will get upset or write a note to my parents in the diary any more. It has been 25 years, so it should be safe, yes? The truth is that I never attended the school assembly over the last 5 or 6 years of school. Shock! Horror! Awe? There is a method to this though and I’d like to share that with you.

The advantages are many. No one checked that I was wearing regulation socks or belts, for example. For years. I did wear them, but no one got to check or comment. As much as I enjoyed the recitation or the meditation – honest – I didn’t have to sit through them. And sitting still, even today, is hard for me to do.

But how to do this?

Step 1 – The key is in the PT period

The easiest way is to maximise the PT period. You want the coaches to notice your dedication and your intensity at play. Don’t try to avoid the warm up or the playing of games and sports. Embrace it. The sun is good for you and remember the goal – you want the coaches to notice you. Ashish Sir and Gulshan Sir both had no choice. I wasn’t the fastest or the most skilled. But I was always appearing to try harder than anyone else.

Step 2 – The morning games

What you are aiming for is to get the coaches to draft you into the morning games. That means you come to be school in the coolest sports outfits instead of the school uniform. And you then proceed to go play rather than go to the assembly. By the first period, you’re post-sweaty, the endorphins are in play and it just feels great!

Step 3 – The school teams

But don’t get lazy just yet. What you really want to do is be on a school team. I managed to be on the football and basketball teams but any (or as many) will do. This means you have to work hard, build skill and stamina and work well with the team. Full energy, full effort and lots of time on the field. If you’re lucky enough to live close to the school like I was, you can even come back in the evening and play some more.

For the last five years, I put this evil scheme into action and never attended anything but the really cool assemblies. You know like the ones where a musical god was doing a workshop or when the interhouse drama competition was happening or something like that.

No one figured out how clever I was. Many people still don’t know and that makes me a bit sad. But my classmates  attended their assembly and learnt quiet, peaceful things like mediation and what have you. They had cleaner clothes, marginally better grades and calmer lives. Hey, wait a minute!